| 45 minutes |
7:00 PM Melanie: hello there hot stuff! thanks for your help yesterday!
Melanie: where have you been?
me: Whats up
7:11 PM i have been talking with my mother and killing Germans
Melanie: I was trying to get ahold of you regarding wendover
me: I left my phone upstairs
Melanie: killing germans?
me: Yes, the Nazis
Melanie: xbox?
me: Those dirty krauts deserved every bullet
Game cube actually
Melanie: nice
7:12 PM I guess no wendover
me: Yeah, I probably better not
No Flow
7:13 PM I hope you win a ton though
The Next Day
11:04 AM me: what do you mean no can make it.
The Next Day
11:04 AM me: what do you mean no can make it.
11:05 AM Melanie: just that! i have had only three people say they could come
one is my mom
11:06 AM me: That Sucks. So what are you going to do
I know, lets get hammered drunk instead
11:07 AM Melanie: I think Lester is just going to take me out for dinner...fun huh?
11:08 AM me: Yeah, that will be awsome. Especially if he takes you somewhere good
11:09 AM Melanie: like ruth's chris
11:10 AM me: exactly
11:19 AM me: I can't find his email adress
But you could send him a message on his myspace page
11:25 AM Melanie: are you there?
| 12 minutes |
11:38 AM me: Hey I am back
I was talking to my mother
11:40 AM Would you like me to cut and paste you message into his myspace page?
10 comments:
I like how you introduced what was perhaps about to happen. Although I think a better explanation of who Melanie is (sister, friend, etc.). Also I think a conclusion would be interesting as well. (I gotta confess I am curious if she went to Ruth's Chris since I work there :D )
I found parts funny. Germans, great. Anyway, hard to follow, but you talked about that in class.
I found parts funny. Germans, great. Anyway, hard to follow, but you talked about that in class.
The plan is to elaborate on the conversation through comments. I think it will help lead you through it, and help with the flow.
Fun conversation. As per the verbal comments I think you not only are going to need to add "color commentary" but also transitions to help make sense of it. Also, see my comments on Adam's post about formatting.
I like the fact that you put the time stamps however, my instant message thing puts the time stamps after the name. So it look kinda weird, but maybe thats just me. Also maybe consider putting the actual screen name or whatever you call it, instead of the person's actual name. Those are only suggestions tho.
IM is always an interesting way to have a conversation with someone. Being all over the place with conversation is a part of IM. But knowing your thoughts on the conversation would be helpful. Were you getting annoyed with Melanie's questions, or not? This would help us understand your relationship with your friend melanie.
And a concluding paragraph would help out in tying the whole thing together.
You mention being idiotic and childish at the beginning. When you insert your commentary, I think it would add a lot of humor to elaborate on this as far as which parts specifically and why.
I enjoyed the transitions demarked by return lines, as well as the inconsistency with capitalization. I feel as though it added to the injection of voice inflection. Quick read. Easy layout.
Any conclusion?
rsrrs... was comic!I found some parts very funny.
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